It’s Not Dead. It’s Resting.

My son awoke from nap, had a quick snack, and as we sat having a casual conversation, a ‘THUMP’ moderately echoed through the house, as if something like a ladder or other large item had fallen against the outside wall. I jumped up to look and didn’t see any sign of any impact. I walked through the house and my son said “I saw a bird… he made the noise… he’s said he’s sorry.” You’ve gotta love the imagination on a 3 year old. I just smiled and said “OK, that’s nice” and continued my search outside.

Only to find out he wasn’t kidding.

I walked outside, around the side of the house, and stood at the corner of the patio trying to think of what might have caused the thump. Then, glancing down onto the astroturf covered patio, I saw, standing, frozen actually, a large bird.

He was not moving. At all. I walked close, walked around, and he didn’t flinch an inch. His mouth was frozen in an open state, eyes locked open as well, and all I could do was marvel at the fact that, if he was dead, he was still on his feet. So I went inside, got my camera, put a “Little Einstein” video on as a distraction for my son, went to the patio door where he’d apparently met his demise, causing the thump, and somehow managing to land on or stagger to his feet before expiring.

I shot a few photos through the window. He’d not move since I found him 5 minutes earlier. The image below is not a bird in mid-tweet, it’s exactly how the bird had been when I found him, and remained. It was freaky. He was like a statue.

I then went outside to snap another photo or two for posterity, before tagging and bagging the latest addition to the pet cemetery this house seems to be host to. And then I noticed one minor issue. His mouth was now closed. Every other thing about him was the same, but the mouth was no longer gaping open. So I started to wonder…. was this a part of the process for an ex-parrot? Does a deceased bird experience rigermortus? Would the eyes close next, and perhaps around 9pm, with the help of a modest gust of wind, would he go belly up?

As I walked closer, much to my complete surprise, he moved. Just his neck, turning to follow my movement. The sucker was still alive! I was relieved, as I was not looking forward to having discarding the remains, given that the garbage company my start questioning our hobbies if many more critters turn up in the waste bins. But I was also wondering if, having apparently collided with the window, gone into a coma, and now having come out of the coma, would he have amnesia? Would he attack? Would he shit himself out of fear? Would he be able to handle it if I told him the year was 2027, he’d been out for 20 years, and all the feathered friends he knew were all dead?

As I walked around and up behind him, he hopped. The motor skills had returned. He hopped a couple of more times, onto the patio. And then he shit himself out of fear. I shit kid you not.

A few more hops and he flew off into the neighbors bushes, out of our backyard and out of my immediate responsibility.

I still have to wonder when the other wing will drop, as it were, and perhaps next week one of my kids will bring me to it’s body near the fence, or i’ll see a dead bird on the way to work and wonder if it’s the same one. Perhaps it’ll live a long life, and have grandchildren birds that sit on the edge of the nest asking to be told the story of his encounter with a window and what really happened in those 10 minutes of frozen time.

Either way, once again, this house attempted to claim another animal as it’s victim.


Written by gsm

01/01/2007 at 4:28 pm

One Response

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  1. Thanks – needed the chuckles this produced.


    01/01/2007 at 8:09 pm

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